The young, wealthy, youthful and rich have been interviewed and written countless articles on how to be successful. Everyone is saying the same thing! Managing Dollar’s has simplified the formula down to 10 steps that are sure to make you equally as young, wealthy, youthful and rich!
1: Regularly Present Your Success in Front of Friends and Family
It is critical to demonstrate how much of a hassle your wealth has become. You must fumble around with several 20, 50, and 100 dollar bills. Be sure to drop clumsily them wherever you go. All this money is too much to hold. Your friends will be deterred from chasing wealth since one of their closest friends has trouble handling all that money. Success and wealth are a game, and if you wanna win you gotta know how to play! Less players equals more money for you!
2: Begin Writing Your Auto Biography as Early as Possible! You Never Know When You Might Die
The best time to plant a tree was 10 years ago, that’s why the staff at Managing Dollars suggests getting started on your auto-biography, yesterday! Be sure to conflate your self-worth and give detailed information on how you made your wealth. No wealth? No Problem! Just make it up as you go! You can never be sure when you may meet your maker, so it is best to begin your book immediately talking about all of your success and failures, but mainly your successes. No one likes a loser.
3: Don’t Pay Debt Collectors; The Half-Life of Your Debt is Outweighed By Your Wealth Trajectory.
Everyone knows that debt collectors are little bitches. Don’t bother paying them. If you’re in the US of A, credit is basically free and instant money. However, it does come with two penalties — these are called a Credit Score and APR. These convoluted variables are made up words designed to keep people poor. Our economic analysts crunched the numbers, and the results are unanimous — Don’t Pay Your Debts. Rack up debt on items that make you feel better than others. Surrounding yourself with things is the key to feeling wealthy and you’ve got to dress for the job you want, not the one you have. Our Analysts have ‘analyst’ in their job title, do you? Are you smarter than an analyst? It’s time to nut up and take on some debt. Don’t worry about the math, we’ve got that one under control.
4: Voraciously Read Self-Improvement Books With Bad Titles — They really work!
It’s always good to be reading Self-Improvement books. Titles like Billionaire Autobahn and How to Friend People and Manipulate Enemies are two of our favorites. Getting in the millionaire mindset is what builds millionaires. These books are really excellent because they don’t waste your precious time with actual skills to learn. Instead, they teach you the key to wealth and prosperity, without lousy skills. Think about it, if someone catches you reading a book with a killer title like Billionaire Autobahn, they might think you are someone with a lot of money and invest in your company.
5: Only Drink Fresh Ground Coffee, None of That Refugee-Supporting-Mud-In-a-Cup.
Caffeine is just one of many luxurious drugs the rich and wealthy choose to ingest every morning. Don’t cheap out, get the good stuff! Fresh ground coffee is one of the most efficient and high-quality delivery mechanisms of caffeine. We asked a billionaire (that asked to remain anonymous) about his coffee habits and this is what he had to say:
Every morning I trim the finest coffee beans from the hydroponic coffee-growing system I had installed in my shed. Once I have the finest beans, I will hand roast them with a bunsen burner and artesian roasting pan.
This method has made me millions.
Hint: You can throw a moderate rail of Colombian cocaine into your coffee for a little extra boost! 😉 We won’t tell if you don’t!
6: Wear Tight Dress Pants
Ensure that your pants are at least 1 to 2 sizes smaller than you would normally wear. This will both show off your bulge and assert dominance. If you aren’t particularly well-endowed, place a fat roll of 100’s in the front portion. You can’t spend your money if you can’t get to it without getting naked!
7: Get some dress shoes with a good ‘clacky’ heel
Paired with tight dress pants, this is another subliminal way to assert dominance. Have you ever noticed a boss of yours walking around in clacky dress shoes? They’re subliminally telling you that they call the shots. You should be able to obtain some loud shoes starting at only a few grand. Make sure that your co-workers can hear you coming like a horse. This might seem like a costly investment, but don’t forget that credit is basically free money.
8: Ensure You Have The Newest iPhone — No, an Android Will Not Work. No, I don’t care that you can customize it more. God, why are you still talking, nerd? Seriously, get out of my cubicle or I will call HR.
You can get these suckers on that free credit we were talking about earlier. Remember, credit is free money for only two small penalties; Credit Score and APR. This is not a hindrance since your potential wealth trajectory now exceeds these penalties. When someone sees your brand new iPhone 8, they will think you are someone who is important and has a lot of money.
9: Don’t Purchase Just Any Vehicle, Rent an Exotic Automobile Until You Can Afford to Own One.
We suggest not purchasing an automobile you will regret, like a Toyota or a Volkswagen. When people see these vehicles they see people who have succumbed to the basic way of life. The internet is great, you can order a pizza, a chicken suit or a casket all within minutes. We bet you didn’t know that you can find luxury vehicles for only a few hundred buckaroos a day! Be sure to pick something fast as hell because it will portray you as a wealthy entrepreneur that likes to take risks. Hint: Use the credit card for this!
10: Read Managing Dollars and Be Your Own Boss
Your boss probably already knows that you read this blog. He too is probably kicking back and relaxing with several million in the bank while he reads Managing Dollars. Do you really think he got there by reading Forbes? Get inspired and take massive action to launch your business. Remember that app idea you had? The one where people can send each other the word ‘bro’? You’re sitting on millions! Get off your ass and make ‘Bro-Send’ finally happen! Quit your job today so you can focus full-force on it! Better yet – get fired and collect an unemployment check. Although, that’s an article for a different day!
We hope you enjoyed this brief guide to becoming Young, Wealthy, Youthful and Rich! Keep following these habits and in no-time flat, you’ll be sitting on a mountain of success.